Christmas

As a life-long Catholic, I've felt differently about Mary throughout my faith journey. When I was a kid, I wanted to be like her: holy, pure, selfless, willing to serve God with her life. When I was in college, I just couldn't relate to her because I was nothing like her. And since then, I haven't really been able to relate to her or to really embrace the Catholic devotion to Mary. Then a little over two years ago, I became a mother. Pregnant during Christmas. Suddenly, I could relate to her in a way that I never expected. After Little was born, I lost some of that feeling, as all my guilt and inadequacies and insecurities about not being a good enough mom made Mary seem like a perfect, unattainable ideal. But this Christmas, maybe because I'm pregnant again, not only does Mary seem more relatable again; she points to Jesus in a much stronger and clearer way. After all, the purpose of having devotion to Mary is not to worship her; it's to know Jesus more perfectly. And the fact that He was once as small as my Little suddenly becomes mind-blowing. That God would take his bigness and put it into the body of a tiny child. And suddenly Little doesn't seem so small anymore. Like she will grow up and do amazing things tomorrow. The greatness of Christmas became clear to me this year, and I am overwhelmed by it.

It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small,
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us

It's still a mystery to me,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep

Hallelujah...