"You're going to cry your eyes out," she said, when we were talking about Ellie going to preschool. It almost seemed like she relished the thought. Who says that? Who says that to a 20-week pregnant woman? I tried to dismiss it and agreed that I'd be post-pregnancy hormone ridden, so of course I would, but that's life and that's how it goes and there isn't anything I can or should do about it. I can cry about it from now until August or I can just cry about it in August, adapt to my new life, and get on with it. Going to preschool is part of life. I don't have babies to keep them tiny. In fact, I don't even really like the baby stage. She is going to grow up and go to school, and by God, I hope she does and gets to experience all the good things life has to offer.
"She's going to take it so hard," she said, when Katie is born. Or she won't. I don't know. I do know my kid and my parenting style, and we will all be fine. Bringing a new person into our lives is going to be a major change for all three of us, but I'm pretty sure we aren't the only family to grow from three to four, and the world hasn't imploded yet with all these people having more kids.
"You should hire someone to come watch her a few hours during the day over the summer," she said... so Ellie can be better adjusted to preschool when the time comes... and so I can take a long shower or have time to myself... so basically spend money for things that aren't really necessary and may not even help to begin with. First, was she volunteering for the job? Of course not. Second, I don't want to miss out on spending one-on-one time with Ellie for those last few months. I don't care how hot it is or how big I get. Instead I just said we are usually pretty busy during the summer and that there's no sense in worrying about it now. Life will come as it comes when it comes. It is what it is. (In an attempt to end the conversation).
She kept pushing her way, her ideas. I kept trying to get away unscathed. How I ended up crying in the bathroom later is not hard to figure out. And now it's all I can do to hold the tears in, as I get no validation anywhere for my feelings.
The church marquee we passed on the way home read "How to treat those who hurt you." I sure need to hear that sermon right now.
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I'm so sorry somebody was so insensitive to you. I sure hope it wasn't somebody you really care about. For the record - I think your little family is going to do great. And no, I don't think you'll cry in August when Ellie starts preschool. You're right - it's part of life and just another milestone. You didn't cry the first time she said 'mama' or when she took her first step. You're going to be fine. And if you aren't, Lia and I will take you and Katie for SnoBalls. :o)
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