Balance in my heart

Confession time. When Katie was born, I felt distant from Ellie. This might sound silly, but I felt almost like some of my love for Ellie got taken away and given to Katie, and there was nothing I could do about it. A month or two later, Ellie got her love back, but then I felt distant from Katie. She was this new little person I didn't really know or understand who needed me so much, and I felt annoyed. I hear about parents who wonder how they could ever love a second child as much as their first, and then they say that it all makes sense as soon as they hold that pink squirmy second baby. Not true for me. It was far from instant. But I finally got there. I don't know when it actually happened, but I realized it this morning, as I was holding Katie, talking to her, seeing her smile. That heart-swelling feeling I get when I think about my kids, that "I love her so much I can hardly contain it" feeling in my chest... I finally feel it equally for both of my girls. I don't know why it took almost nine months, but I'm happy I'm there.