My hair still smells like applewood smoke

I love fall. The pumpkins, the weather, that feeling of excitement and anticipation. There are so many things to do on the weekends, and there are great foods to cook and bake. Fall reminds me of my last semester in college, when Paul would drive to College Station every weekend to visit. I would have dinner ready for him on Friday evening, and then the following day we would do everything or nothing, from making up duck recipes in the kitchen, going to Messina Hof winery, carving pumpkins, going to Renfest in costume, building a gingerbread house that lit up (and a giant gingerbread man), driving through Santa's Wonderland, to even just opting out of going anywhere (especially a bar or dance hall) and staying in, watching movies and hanging out with Kristi and Randy while sipping some drinks. Maybe I love fall so much because fall is when I fell in love. I've come to realize that college taught me more than just whatever it is that's required for a Bachelor's Degree in English. In fact, there is little I remember now that I "learned" in the classroom. College taught me to love. That I will not forget. In high school, I was self-absorbed, insensitive, and judgmental, even a little bitter... or was it bitchy? I probably still possess those traits, but trust me, it's to a much lesser extent than it was back then. I learned to see outside of myself and to place my entire trust in another person. I also learned what it's like to get burned... more than once, but now I see that all it did was prove that I do have a heart, that I can feel. As my values were challenged, I acquired a greater understanding of other people's values as well as the sound judment to define my own. I finally figured out what kind of person I was and am and will be, and the best part is that I learned to love me. I've fallen in and out of love with me off and on; one could say I've had a love-hate relationship with myself. I am pleased to say that now is a time for love. I've been working hard to make myself into the person I want to be, and I know I'm by no means perfect, but these days I've been feeling pretty good about myself. Maybe it's the size six jeans that feel oh-so-good. Maybe it's the weather. Whatever it is, "I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night..."


I really like that song by the Black Eyed Peas. The lyrics are garbage, and the band is totally not my style, but the song has such a good beat that I can't help but feel all pumped up and happy when I happen to hear it in the car. It gets stuck in my head for the rest of the day and makes me want to dance! Then there are songs like "City on our Knees" by TOBYMAC that have great music AND great lyrics. His song gives me almost the same feeling as "I got a Feeling," but there is more soul behind it:

If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees

I just think it's a beautiful image.


Of course life isn't perfect: Little's eating is still a constant battle, and Paul got so lucky on Friday that he didn't get into a horrific car wreck when his car did a 360-degree spin in a big puddle on the tollway (scared me a great deal when he recounted the event). People make big deals out of little things. All that to say that while life isn't perfect, we are still so blessed. Even though she isn't thriving physically, Little has blown us out of the water with her mental capacity. She is a sponge, a parrot, and a charmer (or maybe just a little snake*?). Just yesterday she formed a very rudimentary sentence all by herself: "Gol(dfish) brin(g) cou(ch)" and then she proceeded to get off the couch, pick up the goldfish crackers from her table, and bring them to the couch where I was sitting. She does make me proud. And Paul, well, I shudder just to think what could have happened if there were cars in the path his car traveled across that road, and I thank God with all my heart that there weren't any. He is a wonderful husband, an amazing father, and I don't know what I'd do without him by my side. So in many ways, I am blessed. And what's more awesome is that these blessings are just the tip of the iceberg.


*She likes to play "snake" and we all wiggle around on the floor like snakes... don't ask.

I can't wait for the great things coming up:
Dewberry Farm and mom and dad's visit
The Balloonar Liftoff at NASA
Halloween playdate and party
My birthday
Renfest and Kristi and Randy's visit
Thanksgiving and baking pumpkin pie from scratch
Christmas decorating
Christmas
New Year's in Dallas


I can't wait, but that doesn't mean I'll wish away the days leading up to it all either. I'm going to suck all the marrow out of life. I'm going to use that new camera we just bought and take pictures of everything, even the mundane, and bask in the everything that there is in the now. It feels good to feel good. I'm going to the gym every day this week (except Friday). I'm going to wash the dishes every night. I'm going to clean out my closet. I'm going to cut my hair, maybe even dye it. I'm going to make changes to my life that will not only make but also keep me happier.
"I got a feeling..." that "greater things have yet to come..."