Forgiveness

Today I went to the baby shower of a friend with whom I had lost touch and only a few weeks ago even learned she was pregnant (via baby shower invite). I seriously debated whether or not I should even go.

She was my first friend in seventh grade, right after we moved back to the States. She was nice to me. Nonjudgmental, despite my awkwardness at attempting to fit into a totally different place and culture while going through the horror that is middle school. We stayed friends through high school, with brief lapses now and then into college, where she was a place for me to escape when I had roommate troubles in the dorm, when my supposed best friend abandoned me. She eventually became my roommate, my sounding board, my late night conversationalist, advisor, and most importantly, she gave me a shoulder to cry on when I got my heart broken and made stupid choices. In short, she helped me get through a lot. Naturally, as life moves on, we graduated; she married and moved away, then I married and stayed here, and time and distance kept us out of touch. Until the day I came home from the hospital with my brand new baby. I had a letter in the mail from her, asking for money to send her and her husband on a week-long mission trip/vacation to Africa. My emotional hormone-ridden heart exploded in anger at the poor choice in timing and her audacity to not even mention a congratulations for the new baby. That was it. I was done. I saw her once a few months after that day, realizing that we had little in common anymore and practically nothing that I wanted to talk about, and then I proceeded to ignore her random text messages throughout the months that attempted to find a time and place to meet and catch up.

Last week, I realized that I still felt that anger and indignation, which is really downright pathetic. So I accepted the invitation to go to the baby shower as an effort to heal my own selfish heart and find a path to forgetting and forgiving. And you know what? It worked. I had a nice time at the party even though I hardly knew anyone there, and when we talked, it was with the same openness and honesty from years ago (once we got past the requisite catching up on the specifics of life and work and babies). And she says she'll be in town with the baby over the summer. And I look forward to seeing her again during that time. Making a little more effort to stay in touch.

Forgiveness feels good.

Life is not a competition about who is happier or more successful or fulfilled or has something to brag about. It's not about keeping track of wrongs and rights, keeping count of hurts, or holding grudges. It's about helping each other out, caring for others, and trying to do good, regardless of the reward. So now to take that to heart.