Hanging in the balance

I am patiently awaiting Paul's return home from work to see if he brings me any news. God has been very good to him, to us, in many ways, specifically in Paul's career. We have more than we could ever need, and there have been times when all I can do is sit back, laugh, and say "wow, God really knows how to outdo Himself." And I am filled with gratitude. This time, there are two opportunities. One would force us to move across town; the other would allow us to stay here but Paul would have to continue his long (fortunately infrequent) travels. Both are great opportunities, and Paul has such good relationships with both companies that it will be very hard to choose one over the other, but needless to say, we don't want to move away from our home. Home isn't just the building; it's the community of people we have in our lives. During one of our talks about what choice to make, Paul asked me "moving would destroy your world, wouldn't it?" And I immediately said yes.
On further reflection, my answer remains the same, but at the same time, not entirely, because it wouldn't destroy our family, and it wouldn't destroy who I am. I don't always get the best sleep at night, and there are those times when I'm lying awake in bed, trying to quiet my thoughts as my mind wanders to that dark place where my worst fears inhabit and I ask myself "what if I lost everything? My husband, my children? What would I do?" My initial response is tears welling up in my eyes, but then a strange, quiet peace comes over me, and I know that I would survive. It wouldn't be the end. I know that I am strong enough to rebuild my life should it come crashing down. So then I pray to be spared the chance to prove it.
Sometimes, when I think of all the blessings God has given us, I'm gripped with the fear that they could all be lost in an instant. Why? I certainly am enjoying the moment, but at the same time, I'm trying to hold onto it in hopes that the good times don't slip away when I least expect. It's a tricky thing, this balancing act. Is it really that good? Or has my perspective simply shown me that it is good, even when it's not all perfect. I hope it's the latter and that I am learning to love and appreciate the whole package of my life. It is easy to forget where the good comes from when we become so wrapped up in it.