The Harder parts of Life as we Now Know it

If I had a nickel for every time I have to tell Ellie "mommy can't play right now," the girls' college would already be paid for.

On Thursday I had my 6-week postpartum follow-up with my doctor, and as I waited to be called in, I struck up a conversation with a first-time mom of a 3-week old and her husband who was still home on paternity leave. She said they were waiting for the "magical 6-week mark" to come so life would get easier. I told them I'm still waiting for my 3-year-old's "magical easy milestone." I don't know that it gets "easier;" it's just different at every stage. I told them I wish I had known how simple life was with one baby when I had it... and then they completely lost my sympathy when they told me they have to wake up their baby in the middle of the night or else he'd sleep all night long and miss his feeding... At 3 weeks old! I haven't walked a mile in their shoes, but I don't think it'll get any easier from this point on.

Maybe I judge a little harshly, but it's human (or maybe just my own) nature to take comfort in knowing that others struggle too, that life is not all perfect for those around us. I certainly don't wish suffering on anyone, but it's nice to see the occasional crack in the façade of perfection everyone wears for the world.

So here's one of my cracks. I know that sonetimes it's just my time to have it hard. Makes the good times even better. So I've decided to start thanking God in advance for the Grace He will give me when I do come to a rough patch. That way it's all already in His hands, and I will face my struggle with a better attitude.

Just a few days ago, things were going well with my kids. Ellie was on a super well-behaved streak, and Katie was getting into a good daily rhythm. I knew it was the calm before the storm, especially when I even had a (relatively) easy time putting Ellie to bed while holding Katie on a night that Paul had to work extra late. And sure enough, this weekend Ellie decided she wasn't getting enough attention and Katie decided crying was better than sleeping, so we struggled. It was our turn.

The way I react to the situation will determine the outcome. My attitude makes all the difference. Unfortunately, when sleep deprived, one tends to react badly which only makes things worse. It seemed as if Ellie had forgotten the meaning of the word "no," and that every time we spoke to her, it was to correct a bad behavior. It seemed that Katie wouldn't stop crying and demanding attention, which elevated stress levels, shortened fuses, and made us less patient than ever with Ellie. I must admit that I had completely forgotten about thanking God for His Grace.

I know this is all "small stuff." It just seems so big in our little microcosm. I did find comfort at the end of the day in one of Ellie's bedtime stories: "How do Dinosaurs Say I Love You?" is about dinosaurs doing all those acts of defiance Ellie does: resisting nap, making a mess at mealtime, disobeying, pouting... It helped me know I am not alone in my struggles--surely my kid isn't the only one who does all this if there's a book about it! In the end, after the dinosaur does those bad things, it hugs the mommy and daddy, or says "I love you," and that makes things better... It's as if this book was written for my kid. Her "I love yous" often take the place of "I'm sorry," and they usually do make everything better.

I'm still waiting for it all to click, to have that one fleeting moment where everything falls into place and is perfectly imperfect.