School

Kindergarten started last week. We survived a whole week of waking up early, interrupted naptimes, hour-long round-trip drives, and the beginnings of a long battle with homework. And that week kicked my butt. 

As I'm about to start a second week, I'm praying it gets easier (or that we just get used to it). The thought that I have a child in real all-day school is still surreal if I ponder it for too long. No longer knowing what she does for most of the waking hours of the day is enough to make me wonder if homeschooling might not actually be so bad for us. But this parenting job is a continuous "letting go," bit by bit, and we are still in the early stages of it. 

Yesterday morning, Ellie climbed into my bed, and I held her close, lightly rubbing her arm, as I thought about how big she is, what our lives have just become, where she is headed next... and I prayed. 

Lord, help her to know her worth. May she never doubt that she is Your uniquely made, precious child, who is good and worthy of love. Help me guide her to You, Lord. Help her stay faithful and true to You. Protect her from pain; I know we must experience hardship in order to grow, but please give her wisdom to not need to suffer too many pains on her journey to You. Draw her close. Put good people in her life, ones that help her see You more clearly, that show her Your love. Help me be one of those people. Make her better than me. Smarter than me. Kinder than me. Lovelier than me. But don't let her be conceited. Give her humility. Turn the mistakes she'll make into blessings. Keep her from making too many mistakes. Help me to lovingly guide her through the ones she does make. May she know that the ultimate goal is nothing she can find in this world; it is You. Give her unwavering hunger and thirst for You and the grace to experience Your love in her life. Keep evil away from her; protect her from danger and those who might want to harm her. Help her be a light of Your love, and that the motto she learned at school be true in her life: "Love God, Serve God; Everything is in that!"

Amen. 

I wonder if my parents ever wished that they could magically impart their wisdom onto my brothers and me, so that we could understand the inner workings of life and not have to learn anything "the hard way," at the same time helplessly realizing that souls are forged through experiences, and no parental guidance or advice  can perform such a task alone. It can be hard to accept that reality because I just want my kids to love their lives and the world God made... but not love them so much that they forget to love the Maker. 

Sending kids out into the world is a daunting task. One I sometimes still can't believe I'm doing... If I feel this way about kindergarten, then, Heaven help me, I'm going to be a total mess when I send them to college!

Several friends' kids start their schooling journey today. My heart is with you. May your kids find joy, kind teachers, the right friends, and have a great first day.