How to be a gracious receiver

This is actually not a how-to post, because I don't know what I'm talking about, and I'm really writing so I can process my thoughts and hope to coax a shred of understanding out of my brain. I Googled the title of this post, and I didn't quite find the answer I was looking for. I don't know if I can find it here either.

This all started with a bag of cheap dollar-store items that Ellie got on Field Day at school. Another parent thought it'd be nice to give the kids a goody bag after their day of fun in the sun. Nice. Maybe even sort of thoughtful... but totally unnecessary. Especially in a world where materialism runs rampant and those of us who strive for higher values are constantly waging a war against excess. Before I climb up on my high horse, I will come right out and confess that I can be one of the worst offenders. Yes, this war is fought most fiercely in my own heart. I struggle daily to keep myself from overindulging my kids and even my own whims, and I could make up any number of reasons or excuses for this, but it still doesn't change the fact that this is a reality in my life. But back to the Field Day fiasco. Without going into too much detail, this bag of Chinese plastic was the last straw for me. Too many other special occasions at school had yielded a backpack full of junk that I had to find a way to dispose of lest we become eligible to be on an episode of "Hoarders." Don't get me wrong; I am grateful for the many abundant blessings we receive; I try to be deliberate about recognizing and appreciating everything I have and being thankful for the gifts we receive, but sometimes, just sometimes, other people's generosity can be, to put it delicately, overwhelming. And not overwhelming in an "I-can't-believe-you-are-making-my-dreams-come-true!" kind of way. It actually feels like receiving these gifts is a burden, an irritation, or an inconvenience.

Why? Well, I could go in two directions in this line of thinking: First, that it's a matter of control. And I want to control all sorts of things. The stuff that enters my house. The stuff my kids play with. Who gives them the stuff. How much stuff we have. It's hard to get more stuff when I feel like I'm managing stuff every day. All this stuff becomes a stumbling block. It causes me to lose my focus on what's really important, and I worry that it shifts my kids' focus onto valuing stuff over experiences. If every fun day has a goody bag cherry on top, then those little sponge brains are going to learn that good times=new stuff, and while the memories of the fun will fade, the material prize will linger, even if it's mostly abandoned in a corner of a stuff-filled room. So I want to be in control and eliminate the stumbling block and even control the experiences... instead of teaching my kids and myself to deal with it by being gracious receivers and generous givers.

Which leads to my second line of thinking: there are very many people in our lives who like to give. It must be their primary love language. And leave it to me to be the world's biggest hypocrite, because I like giving too, so I should understand (and be grateful!) instead of feeling like a resentful Grinch when someone else's generosity showers down on my kids. My Google search did yield one useful piece of advice, and it is this: "being a gracious receiver is a gift you give the giver." I already know this, just like I already know that a great way to love other people is to be receptive to their expressions of love, even if they miss the mark.

Unfortunately, these ideas still don't help me to wrap my brain around the bigger question: what do I do about it all? How do I strike a balance between receiving well and avoiding excess? It is a strange problem to have.