On Control--or lack thereof

This morning, it took me thirty minutes to put one piece of clothing on my child. From a near-fall down the stairs, to her screaming and wiggling as I tried to wrestle a t-shirt dress over her head, she just didn't want to get dressed. Something so simple yet so difficult. We ended up having a time-out... both of us. I walked out of her room, closed the door, and went down the hall to the guest room. This small incident broke my last straw. She remained quiet and calm. I quietly sobbed, praying to God to please allow me to control at least one thing, as I'm feeling uncertain and insecure and vulnerable right now. He said "no."

I'm sure it's for the best that he said no, but at the moment it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Why are we constantly grasping for control and for all the answers, when the reality is that God is screaming at us in our deafness, "I got this one!", and that is the greatest comfort, if only we'd listen? If only we would give up our need for instant gratification, our insistence to control every detail... We demand to be given "rights." We expect everything to be easy, or at least attainable. But it isn't always that way. If it's in God's hands, it's even better.

I regret to say that I didn't just give that moment to God entirely, but I begged him to help me trust him after I heard his resounding "no." So I continue to struggle with giving my burdens to him. When I walked back into Little's room, she asked me if I was sad. She still fought me when I finally put her dress on, but after she was dressed, I hugged her and told her I love her, even when I'm mad and sad. In the end, I had her best interests in mind: she had to get through the struggle of getting dressed so that she could go to the bookstore to play with the train table, something she loves and asks to do every day.

I get the lesson God is trying to beat into my head with this: the struggles he lets us endure lead to a much greater reward. Now if only I could retain my focus on that which is really important and stopped reaching for the false sense of control that we humans love to feel.

I'm constantly amazed at the way God teaches me about his love through the day-to-day happenings of parenthood.